The Importance of Bumperstickers

While driving south on I-15, a typical light blue minivan pulled into the lane just ahead of me. There was nothing wrong with this, apart from the very minute frustration that I was being passed by a car that has less zest than a dried oatmeal. I would have been mad, but the patience of a kind mother helped me let it go. I did however notice a small red rectangle on bumper of this less than robust car. Ah Ha! By reading this bumper-sticker I can not only learn the life history of this person, but know enough to prove my preconceived verdict that this person is below me in virtually every conceivable way (especially in automobile choice (ps I drive a dark blue Toyota Corolla- let that add to the humor)). I started to speed ahead and found the words much smaller than was readable at a safe distance. Obviously, my one-way war of egos against this person is more crucial than the few hours I spent awake at drivers education classes. I continued to get closer. This was a byproduct I did enjoy, intimidating the minivan driver by tailgating. As soon as I reached the threshold of insanity (being about 2 feet, I noticed it said Chiefs. Wow, not only is there nothing pithy or funny I can make fun of them with, but they are a lot less... uncool? than their minivan permits. I guess my thunder was extinguished because I know nothing about professional football. So I guess my words of advice for today are; if you are going to have a bumper sticker please make it something mockable. Examples of this include references to Veganism, politics from 8+ years ago, or your pride in your honor student. And please if you are going to place the bumper sticker in a visible place, make sure that the lettering is large, so that judgmental people, like myself, aren't put into danger. Thank You

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Friday in Art

I am considering becoming a professional photographer. I feel that I have a unique ability to capture the soul and emotion of a moment with a single picture. I don't consider myself to the greats like Da Vinci, or Van Gogh. I would however say that I could give some tips to Michaelangelo and Manet and Monet. Don't get me wrong, they have plenty of raw talent. I simply think I could help them make a few adjustments to help them become truly great

I have included a few examples of my work- please enjoy. 

Yodeling and Yawning

Davis Esplin

This is a personal favorite of mine. Partially because I am the person on the left. It intrigues me. Are we yawning? Are we scrutinizing the long oppressive, capitalist oligarchs demonstrated by the 15th century sculpture between us? Or are we yodeling to demonstrate a foreign satire, an outsider mocking our social infrastructure which is hyper-egotistical? Let the art take hold of your soul.

Notice the poor lighting and the badly angle frame of the picture. This was totally intentional. It represents the skew in even the most firm of view points. Trust me, I understand this work of art perfectly

Here is another piece. I hate this one. But I can't look away.

Smiles in a Dark Cathedral

This picture is so ugly it is beautiful. My friend cameron and I are admiring candles, when I had another friend surprise us with a photo. This picture represents a hatred of candles and fire. I don't really know why but I guess that is just how great works of art are. True art cannot be understood; but I'm getting close. Notice the random arm on the right side of this work. This was not planned and is meant to demonstrate how one's own volition is futile against a dark system, which only offers minimal relief, represented by candles.

I think I'm not the best, but getting there. Please let me know what you think

I'll have more for my adoring fans soon.

This is a SATIRE

I don't understand much of news. Issues: social, economic, political, and global all escape my understanding. I have however become quite talented at saying "Interesting, I didn't know people would react that way..." and other such neutrally agreeable statements. Which is why I thought to write a Satire on such strong political statements- 

BECAUSE I CAN'T RELATE.

satire |ˈsaˌtīr| - noun

the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

Here we go-

I don’t think women belong in certain (Most) careers. Business for instance. The Glass Ceiling is a great thing- because all those guys ride that hot metaphorical air balloon, we call the EGO, all the way until they burn up in the sun of alcoholism. No wonder icarus was a guy- Have you ever heard of a woman abusing the power of flight? Emilia Earhart doesn’t count; those leather pants were tight but wether she was female is still up for debate. Wow mocking a dead american hero- but only a woman would stop and ask for directions mid flight over the ocean. Women also don’t belong in comedy (The Jokes and the Industry). Back to the original point. Women don’t belong in business because they have souls. Let’s save as many of that type of human being as possible. Endangered species, they are. We don't send pandas into war- we put them behind bars at a zoo to keep them safe and visible for all elementary school field trips to see. So to sum up my point- I really don't know much about anything. And I firmly believe that. And you can't tell me I'm wrong because this is my opinion. And because I thought it means it must be correct, or else I'll be offended and blame you.

I don't mean to criticize other's or mock them for stupidity- I don't enjoy that. 

Once again, this a Satire, to help us (mostly me) introspectively look at how we think...or think about how we think...or think about what manner we think about our thoughts.
 If you are offended by this please let me know if you didn't like this- I'll make it up to you. This is a joke with the sole purpose of being funny, not to make a statement.

The principle of escalation.

This is, in a way, a sister post to the "Beauty Hour at the Gym"

Here I like to describe how ordinary things can get out of hand

escalation |ˌeskəˈlāSHən|

noun

a rapid increase; a rise: cost escalations.

• an increase in the intensity or seriousness of something; an intensification: an escalation of violence.

In the film “Batman Begins”, the final conversation between Batman and Lt. Gordon of the Gotham City Police force covers the threat of escalation. Gordon is concerned by the intensification of violence. As police officers start wearing Kevlar, criminals will start using armor piercing rounds, and the process continues until crime evolves into outright war in an American Metropolis. Ugly.

The same applies the opposite direction

My Saturday evening began as uneventful. I was in my room, just cleaning. I got on AmazonPrime and looked for a movie the corner of my eye could watch amid the organizing. The film “A walk To Remember Caught” stood out. “Interesting” I thought, “I haven’t watched a romance in a while…I could just humor myself and see if it is any good…there is nothing else very appealing anyway… why not?”

Before the film was over I was singing “Only Hope” to myself, I had purchased the song on ITunes. I also had looked up the National Star Registry website, and the Leukemia Foundation website (as a donation could save the preserve the lives of the two young lovers). And to top it all off I was trying to learn to play the songs in the film on the guitar trying to hold back tears. An innocent mistake…

The accidentally disrespectful-

An Example Case of How the Child I Was Is Truly Never Far From My Core

I very much enjoy life. There are many beautiful experiences, happy and sad. They transform us; molding us into better people. But all too often my own immaturity causes me to miss the deeper side of such experiences. The growing experience is lost and the foolish boy continues to exist. Here are a few examples…

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3UZ-vl_eveceRAmwCo0RIvnSkV2TP-xO2emG9ld4Qh_Y4rKqcp82diV9YaolsAHYJ6cnfF9rbTsLsAnW1_EODHJJDtIF-n8JqR_dinh8XHT3fKERhtKD0Segj1CLMUmMst0TrpLPGQZg/s1600/471px-Caspar_David_Friedrich_032.jpg

This is one of my favorite pieces of art; "Wanderer Above The Sea Of Fog" by Caspar David Friedrich which can be found in the Kunsthalle in Hamburg, Germany. This painting touches me deeply. It causes me to ponder my own existence and my place in this magnificent world like a wanderer).

 And while such profound discoveries are unfolding in my head, my mind takes a U-Turn. I notice the family name of this beloved artist: Friedrich- FRIED RICH (*snicker*) Why not Fat King or Saturated Fat Hedge Fund Manager? (or Frederick for that matter?) I know, I know- Stupid, the name is German and a wonderful name. Immaturity destroys me once again.

The second thought which jumps into my head is : "If I was really quiet (and had the ability to jump into the alternate universe which encapsulates the reality of painted scenarios), I think I could push him off that cliff." Why? Am I a sociopath? Maybe I should ponder that for a bit. I think this is a more profound question than the chicken/egg question. 

And on a Mature note...What a wonderful experience life is- to learn and figure it all out: why we are here.

I am thinking of reviewing art, music, history, and adding a humorous twist to education and culture. Let me know if you have any feedback on this, Thanks.

Beauty Hour at Gold's Gym

I was at the gym today. Yes, the gym. Obviously I don’t go anywhere without a strategy, created and implemented with the sole purpose of making me look appealing to the opposite sex (being female: I don’t know why I feel like I have to reiterate this but oh well…). Following personal protocol I placed myself on the treadmills nearest the best prospective females (I’m not going to explain what that means). However Shortly after I began my run (and yes it was run!),my treadmill stopped working. Embarrassing, as that may seem, the one out of shape guy in the row of treadmills can’t even get his working. Nice. But it made me stop and look around for a second. All the sweaty persons surrounding me were…for lack of a better term, the beautiful people. Normally people are fairly attentive and kind and the gym. While they were kind, they seemed to be overly focused on…being beautiful. I didn’t realize that 6:37 was beautiful hour. Be aware: 6:00-7:30 is Beauty Hour at GoldsGym

Needed College Courses

In light of a new semester starting I thought I would kick it off with a list of classes they should offer at all Universities and Colleges- This list is meant to be thought provoking and funny- enjoy

Sleep Management 103- A freshman favorite (Ironically the most failed class on campus) Starts at 7:30 Monday through Friday. Textbook chapters include "Effective Napping", "Light Sleeper's Guide to Night Time Sounds", and the ever popular, "Wifi: The Sleep Killer".

Avoiding Avoiding Studying 211- Learn how to procrastinate procrastinating well enough that you naturally do homework during the time set aside for doing homework. Class requirements include  taking Focus 106 and Deleting Facebook and Instagram accounts.

Guessing 330 (also known as B.S. Studies) - Luck favors the prepared. If you don't want to prepare the old fashioned way (studying) have we got a class for you. Learn how to master the art of picking C for most of your multiple choice test questions and how to write papers that have no value and appear so complex that your teacher can't read it and has to give you an A.

and finally for today...

Sweet Talking for the Not So Smooth 412- also known as the Brown-Nosing Class, this class serves as an alternative to public speaking; Professor Brown will teach you how to get out of fights with your significant other which started over nothing, and making students and teachers like you even though your lazy, demanding personality should make them feel otherwise. Guessing 330 is not required but heavily recommended as a prerequisite. for this class.

Please suggestions for other classes in the comment section

Enjoy