TUESDAY TOP TEN

WE INTERRUPT YOUR OTHER TIME WASTING DISTRACTION TO BRING YOU

THE TUESDAY TOP TEN!

This Weeks Theme...

REASONS TO UNFRIEND THAT PERSON- or at least consider it...

Via

10. They have a tendency to like their own status (This is why my roommate and I don't talk much anymore...)

9.  They don't realize that you don't want them to know what day your birthday is. (I'll give you a hint: it's not the day you think it is)

8.They still invite you to play farmville (I'll give you a two words of advice-1. no one wants to play with you and 2. Agriculture isn't cool in real life, why would a digital version be better.)

7.Those people who post motivational quotes that aren't very motivational

6. When your semi friend tags the unappealing picture of you half asleep after your camping trip (at least you weren't tagged as the large anthill next to the camp site.)
5. #u#s#e#t#h#i#s#a#l#o#t
4. Their parents keep wanting to befriend you (And to think they disproved of me before they saw my newsfeed, Yikes!)
3.They have FUN. on their music interest- is seriously anyone a fan of that band? ("we are young... so let's set the world on fire... and start with you.")
2. When that guy you knew from High School only posts pictures of him and three other girls at the club (sorry I forgot, his ray-bans and Ed Hardy shirt have also been tagged)
1. When you are pretty sure that girl is a 52 year old man from north dakota. (Ironically, He's the only facebook friend I have who wants to meet in person; but not public.)

Please share your thoughts, comments, rude remarks, suggestions, questions and a bucket of popcorn shrimp in the comment section- I love comments
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Stay Tuned for tomorrow's Unwritten Rules!

The Davie Awards

For today’s blog I was supposed to write Monday in History- However I feel as though this more of a Sunday Thing-

With the MTV movie awards presented last night, I felt it only appropriate to throw my award show-

Welcome to the Frist Triennial Davie Awards! 

(They can happen as often as you’d like actually- I’ll post them as I think of them)

Part 1

via

And Things...

Here we are not held to the so stringent rules surrounding film, music or art. Here we can award anyone for literally anything we so well please. The only requirement is that they are truly the winner (in my head) and that we all get a good laugh out of it.

...Thank You to our musical guest Lindsey Lohan for her rousing and yet ironic tribute version of “I won’t go to rehab"...

and now our first award for the night- “That Random Person you have killed the most times in your imagination!”- Also known as the Justin Bieber Award

On to present the award is none other than your annoying neighbor who loves heavy metal at 3:12 a.m. (Insert Name Here)

And the nominees are…

1 .     The person who comments on your food choice while standing in the waiting line in the food court (Yes, I did order the double, what’s it to you? Huh!?!)

2.    The inconsiderate guy (or girl- let’s not be sexist) who must comment on everything your professor says and will argue/refute other’s opinions (I always gave him the name Walter- perhaps one of these days I will meet him, find out his real name and thus know what letters to burn into his front lawn.)

3.   Whoever thought it was a good idea to let Jersey Shore on Television (I still have hope for you America- at least the other 49 states can work their way out of it- I’m sorry Jersey, you are dead to me.)

4.   Tom Hanks- Not because we hate him, but only that man could make death a beautiful thing.

5.  The Child Snatcher from the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. With his evil pale face and hooked nose, he is the head director of the third circle of Hell. I know he only exists in my head (and not under the bed), which is why every chance I make sure that the one place he exists is also the place where he dies repeatedly.

And the award goes to ….The Guy who argues with your professor.

(Right here is where he would get his acceptance speech, but considering the fact that he won the award based on the fact that we don’t want to hear him talk, we skipped it.)

Next up we will have Kanye West, the Jonas Brothers and Paul Rubens sing their new hit single “Never Grow Up”.

…

Thank You Boys, I'm sure one day you will be respected as adults and boyfriends worthy of Taylor Swift

To present the award for Life's Biggest Time waster we have none other than the makers of Tinder...

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Please leave a comment, recommendation, request, or rude comment for any of our Programs (The Tuesday Top Ten, Weekly Worrier, Thursday’s Unwritten Rules, Here’s a thought etc. I promise to respond with a witty comment or random fact that will make you happier than two seagulls eating French fries in a McDonald’s parking lot. That and to credit you on the inspired entry.

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Here's a thought...#112J

Hello Friday,

Here are 3 facts that just made my day-

Penguins often slide on their tummies over ice and snow. This is called tobogganing. Researchers believe they do this for fun and as an efficient way to travel. Via

This one made me laugh not only because they use the word "tummies" but I found this image

Via

Leonardo Da Vinci invented  scissors  Via
He also coined the phrase "don't run with those!" preceding an accident involving his late son Guido. 

Passionate kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute. A Hershey’s kiss contains 26 calories, which takes five minutes of walking–or about four minutes of kissing–to burn off. Via
Don't mind if I do- Girls count calories don't they?

And Remember-
No sense in being pessimistic- I'm not even sure it would work anyway.

Have a great Friday! That's a command, not a request.

The Unwritten Rules

Well, It's ALMOST the weekend- And in spirit of celebration and preparation I would like to introduce another weekly program

-UNWRITTEN RULES-

The Things You DON'T Do Because...Well, Just Because!

Via

Here we explore the long established traditions of socio-cultural behavior and exploit the Faux Paux's created by those who are too awkward to notice (I.E. Those raised by wolves, or David Bowie)

(Be advised - It is not pronounced FOX POX - Just trust me on this...) 

Rule #253A: When complementing a woman- thou shalt not compare her to her friends.

Reasons to Follow Rule #253a

Reason 1-  Her friends control her mind. One slight 'miss-understanding' will open a pre-packaged storm that can fit conveniently into any girls’ night plans. Much like Jurassic Park style tampering, Her "besties" will turn into raptors and will hunt you down and/or inform the 'T-Rex' who will come and eat you whole. (P.S. Jamie, I'm not bitter, and of course I would never compare you or Cassie to large prehistoric man-eating serpents... You both rock the hoops equally well.)

Reason 2- Research has shown that the fluidity of a young dating man's wordplay is directly proportional to his life span (curious to see what would kill him? see Reason-1) Words are often confused; women's ears are selective. This can cause a whole range of comical and potentially deadly mistakes. For instance when asked how a woman looks, a guy will respond by saying "good." The double X chromosome contains built in confusion sensors and will actually hear the word "good..." Following this ellipsis, the already active confusion sensors (located below the Medulla Oblongata on the brain stem) will actually continue firing messages. The woman's brain will actually insert a "but" following the ellipsis. This will raise a series of questions in the female mind concerning romantic affection toward her and her personal attractiveness. A fight will ensue and as we all know, men, you will lose.

Benefits to following Rule #253a

Benefit 1- Potentially* avoid previously stated harmful circumstances

*Most likely to still happen (see rules #442- Thou shalt accept the fact that it is always the man's fault, and #213 Pain is inevitable in a relationship)

Benefit 2- You will not have to lie to the woman in question. Lies, like complements, are often one in the same and will build up and return to haunt you like the Ghost of Christmas Past or your old roommate who is still wondering if you have his Lord of the Rings extended edition DVDs. To illustrate- do you recall what she gave you for your birthday two years ago? Chances are you don’t. Play it safe; Avoid talking about that too. You are not good enough to guess and fake your way out of this one.  (For more info on this see Rule #257c – Thou shalt face the fact that you will never be a good giver or receiver of gifts.)

Benefit 3- She is cute, but she has cuter friends. Chances are you have a shot with one or two of them. However their opinion of you is heavily determined by council vote during said “girls night”. Don’t give the council any fodder to make them dislike you. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll end up with your girlfriend’s friend who you originally intended to date. (For more information about switching from dating your girlfriend to her friend see rule #781a- Thou shalt accept that the dating swap is not possible.)

(Special Thanks to Today's Editor Brandon Clay)

The Wednesday Worrier

It's that time again... 

The Wednesday Worrier!

Ironically, I've been stressing about writing my weekly edition about stress.

Well, Let's get to it-

The Title of the Article is called

The Fear of Fresca at Famous Dave's
(NOTE: This is not the real name of the restaurant, the actual name sadly did not start with an F)

I found myself at a restaurant recently surrounded by people who I thought were understanding friends and loved ones (We all find out eventually...). Following a few moments of joyous conversation, we scanned our menus that Haille (as her name-tag and gorgeous smile informed us) provided for us. While I was lost in her eyes I noticed her lips moving. She asked a question that took me a few moments to gather and process. "Can I start you off with any drinks?' In sequence, my supposed friends would say "water", "water", As if they were voting on which was the most manly beverage to drink; wimps. My anxiety began to grow as my turn drew near. How could I break the pattern? How could I say something other than water? I would become the biggest brat on the table (and my masculinity was in question as demonstrated by our pre-order conversation). Imagine the ridicule if I requested a Diet Sprite! Do they even make Diet Sprite? I don't know; I didn't get a good look at the menu! My fate approached me like a French noble staring at a guillotine. As it became my turn my mind reminded me that we were conveniently arranged in somewhat of a circle allowing for all eyes to be on me, including the odd retired couple in the booth next to us. The pressure spiked, I panicked. With her pen prepped, Haille's barely 18 year old eyes signaled to me. I could hardly move air out of my lungs. I gave a slight groan. There! I had done it! It I had broken the rhythmic pattern of "water". This caused alarm. Why didn't I just shut off my head and been content with water like the others!?! Everyone (including Frank and Gina, our retired friends in the booth) looked up from their menus. Tension filled the Italian themed air. What was I going to order? They questioned me. I didn't know; I was in shock. Immediately those located next to me became the beverage-paramedics, grasping for the drink list. The air erupted into suggestions. All I could make out in the haze was Ginger-ale (which sounded fantastic) and something with "ueberry" in it. My order had become point of debate for our newly formed committee and I, the delegate from the seat next to the large painting of nude Italians sunbathing, had disrupted the peace treaty. I was suffering from lack of gravity syndrome and the debate degenerated to resemble UN peace talks during the Cold War. I shouted "That! I'll have that!" when gravity returned to me. Dust settled, but the table was still a demilitarized zone. An awkward tension remained over the table (at least until our appetizer showed up). Haille's smile also didn't shine like it had, long ago, about 15 minutes before. The meal was eaten and paid for with no further problems. My Glueberry lemonade was...odd. As I have demonstrated, ordering a drink is probably one of the more painful experiences in existence. 

The End

Special Thanks to Caille for her development of the idea, Kara, Brandon, Ryan, Mckay and all my proof-readers who can't get their homework done until my nagging is through.

(NOTE: the term- lack of gravity syndrome and "when the gravity returned to me" are registered trademarks of the DtotheE Productions (R with a circle goes here)

Top Ten Tuesday

If there was ever something I loved more than a Top Ten List, It would definitely be a friend who will not only sit with me through the entirety of Castaway, but allow me to make all the commentary I want (the only person thus far I can think of who would do such a thing would be wilson. Unfortunately he is unavailable at the moment...)

So here it is TUESDAY TOP TEN....

Cheep Thrills

(Calm Down Ladies and Wombats- keep it together) 

Todays theme will be those instances in normal life that give you a nano-shot of much needed Euphoria and thrill for your day

10. When a cute girl (or guy, for you ladies) accidentally bumps into a pole or a bystander, or falls into a garbage can because they are preoccupied with staring at you

9. When you realize that the ice-cream in the fridge is actually yours 

 (you just forgot that you were craving half-baked a week ago)

8. When the "random article" search button on wikipedia actually takes you to an article that becomes useful in later life 

(For example: I shall never forget that the reason most zippers have YKK on them is because they are produced by a Japanese firm and sold to clothing manufacturers- Thank You)

7. Guessing that cute girl's (or guy's) name when you totally forgot it

(Just know Mindy- that was a complete shot in the dark)

6.When you go to return the borrowed pen and he or she says keep it

(and I didn't even chew on it)

5. When your date tells you that she (or he) is really into the same embarrassing hobby you are.

(Air Guitar Naked- Boston never sounded so good)

4. When the you find out the girl who you go out of your way to get a subway club from doesn't have a "ring on it"

(And it only took three times through the line to confirm :-) !

3. Cracking a Joke that everyone except the Hipster laughs at

(At least your leather boots, top button and Top Heavy hair agree that it isn't funny)

2. Hugh Jackman

(From an X-Man to an Ex-Con- Need I say more?)

1. When your realize that you can very easily cheat your little siblings/nieces and nephews in a game of Candy Land

(I will forever be a champion!)

NOTICE: I understand that there are many themed post going on now; Monday History, Wednesday Worrier, and hopefully some more to come. However if this new installment is not up to par (or any other for that matter) it will be discontinued like my book group (which if we were still going girls, would be Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte).

Monday History

Yes, Monday History, Where we bring you points of History that make you happy, or at least a little less depressed by the fact that it is Monday (besides, Tuesday is the real downer anyway...)

• The end of 1st World War (the Great War) Monday 11th November 1914.
Approximately 20 million civilian and military personnel killed and an estimated 40 million casualties.Via

So perhaps the death of 20 million people isn't so happy, and maybe the culmination and end of the war isn't so happy either... and I'm trying to find some happiness in it all....

So instead here is a fun History Fact (and yes that is a History with a capital H- it demands respect)

• The shortest war on record was fought between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 45 minutes. and...

• In 1892, Italy raised the minimum age for marriage for girls – to 12. Via

See? History and Monday can be a fun and uplifting experience! War only needs to last 45 minutes, that's less time than it takes me to get through my favorite morning sing along mix in the shower! (83 minutes) That and congratulations Italians! I love you guys, You had me at "fettuccine alfredo".

Comments Welcome- or Well Come