The Long Lost Mix Tape - Episode 2: Green Day - Regress, Regret & Repeat

I steal pens. I'll admit that. At a coworker's desk, making edits on something that will ultimately not be needed or looked at. I'll grab one of their pens to make a note and walk off in a malaise of absent-minded theft. Not to far down the hall, I reach a distance I refer to as the PoFR - Point of Foolish Return. This is the physiological distance where the level of embarrassment felt upon returning the pen begins to outweigh the moral regard held for another's property. Thus, I have gone too far to walk back and return the pen. I will continue on my way as if nothing happened.

The reverse is quite the opposite. When that same coworker walks off with one of my pens, they've immediately become a thief in my eyes. And it will take some time to either forget their offense or use my imagination to craft an elaborate revenge heist using nothing but office supplies.

This is a loop. Pens pass between desks like electrical pulses in the brain carried by unfeeling neurotransmitters. Here I have trapped myself in a downward cycle: I am either furious at another's simple mistake or indifferent to my own. What once was "just a pen man, relax!" becomes a defamation of my existance and cause for one way war in my head. Why? I am right until I am wrong. And no one likes being wrong. Denial keeps us safe and perpetuates the problem. But what happens when we can no longer deny ourselves the truth? Let's ask Green Day.

The song is Redundant. The fourth track on Green Day's Nimrod and released as a single May 26, 1998. If you haven't heard this one, it is mostly likely that you were busy listening to its older brother; "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)".

For scientific purpose I decided to listen to the song. On loop. For 3 hours. It was a strange feeling, having appreciation and annoyance for something grow simultaneously in your mind. I want to focus on just the second chorus and verse (starting at 1:05).

Choreographed and lack of passion

I live most of my life in set procedure, all founded on my morning routine. And while I've never gotten any type of enjoyment out of brushing my teeth, I am still rattled when I cannot remember anything about the morning at the arrival of night. They go by. choreographed. And as the days reset, they too become a loop. 

Prototypes of what we were

Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous

Now, if we can turn lathering and rinsing into a meaningless loop, what about love? 

This song was written by frontman Billie Joe Armstrong in the wake of a rough marital period with his wife Adrienne Armstrong. In this light, these lyrics become something much more. In so many relationships things become stagnant. Passions neglected become passions eroded. As the gloss wears off, edges become jagged and mistakes become attacks. Be it with a lover, friend, roommate or whoever; emotions become tender. And the only words that make any sense are "I'm sick of this!". The loop of routine has figuratively made the soul ill and the symptoms are spreading.

Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous

Taken for granted now

I waste it, faked it, ate it, now I hate it

(Mondegreen Note: a mondegreen according to Wikipedia, "is a mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase... and in a way that gives it a new meaning. "When I originally heard this song I thought the words were: "Wasted, faded, hated, now I hate it" which I felt work just as well)

I love these lines. They reflect why I love punk so much. Call it whatever. Simple, clumsy, clever but most of all honest. No doubt. This guy is just that. A guy dealing with the same life looping problem we all have. And with these two lines, that loop narrows and tightens until it chokes. The disease is taking hold.

'Cause I cannot speak, I lost my voice

I'm speechless and redundant

'Cause I love you's not enough

I'm lost for words

The loop breaks to a horrifying realization. The one sentence in language that should mean more than anything: "I love you", now means nothing. Worse, it means nothing to the most important person in the world. And No, it is not yourself. And with these meaningless words, the disease claims another victim.

You've probably noticed, the melody and music video mimic the lyrics. They repeat. They loop. Just like we do. We walk in circles chanting plans to change. To be better.  What kills our ambitions? Maybe it is that we don't truly have any. I don't believe that. Maybe we are lazy, scared. Why can't I simply overcome? I don't know. I've been searching for a solution, but always end up back where I started. Wish I had something to write that down with.

Thanks for reading. I hope you got something out of it.

Carpe Diem

The Long Lost Mixtape - Episode 1: A Life Wasted by Radiohead

Welcome to a new segment. Let's explore some music.

And why start small when we can throw ourselves, free of floaties, into the metaphorical deep-end with the most acclaimed musical weirdo's of the modern era: Radiohead.

One of the most divisive bands of their age, and beyond categorization. Founded in 1985, the band has consistently produced creative music that has been both critically and commercially successful (although not always hand in hand) and become a "critical darling". Doing all this without changing their line-up or changing producers or cover artists. It is said that "Radiohead is either your favorite band, or you have some level of indifference toward them." In other words: if you truly into music, you had better listen to some Radiohead.

In fact, it is worth your time to learn a little about them on your own. Wikipedia article here:

Anyway, I was inspired by a story from a 2009 Rollingstone article by Daniel Kreps. He describes Miley Cyrus being turned down in her pre-Grammy's meet & greet request backstage. Apparently Thom Yorke, the band's frontman is rather shy and wasn't interested despite Cyrus being a huge fan. "We don't really want to do that.", were Thom's words. Not surprised to say, she is no longer. This story is a metaphor for what I hope to do with this segment. Simply, and politely, reject the majority of music as produced today. Not all. The Majority.

So in honor of such a cool move by the band, let's Get Started. Links are provided

The song is "Fake Platic Trees". The lyrics, a few choice lines from the second verse.

The song appears on the 1995 album "The Bends". Other suggested songs from the Album: "High and Dry". An acoustic version also appears on the soundtrack for the film Clueless (which is ironically perfect and perfectly Ironic for that particular film)

The song opens on a basic acoustic guitar chords which are shortly joined with Thom Yorke's high pitched vocals. They are equal parts awkward and angelic. As the song builds in meaning and composition through chorus and verse transition, exploring an artificial world of plastic people. In doing so we stumble upon these three lines.

He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins

In this piece, I want to focus on just these three lines. Describing a plastic man, in a plastic relationship with a plastic woman. A plastic surgeon quite literally transforming the physical composition of his patients to match the mental and emotional:"plastic". Plastic is molded, it can bend, twist, melt.

But he used to. He used to do surgery. He no longer does. He has become brittle, like plastic. He, like the women he has helped to preserve, has failed in his attempts. Their desire to maintain the fleeting physical nature of human kind has been wasted. The slow press of gravity is breaking them. Just like his own life's work.

And the following chorus, much like the first:

It wears him out
It wears him out

Repeated twice again. 

The song is an obvious criticism of the consumerism, fashion, and superficial nature of the modern world. However, I think Radiohead has unlocked something deeper, more elemental. A struggle that is as important as it is overlooked. The very pursuit of maintaining "that which has no value". Or rather the artificial life, focused on self-serving pleasure, void of struggle or sacrifice.  The sense of self is based on values created in a sea of external subjective opinion. These change with and against fashion and break down with time. A somewhat classic story in many philosophies, especially religious ones. Focusing the fleeting aspects of life, leaves an individual at the end of life empty, having lived an unfulfilled life. Empty, brittle and worn out. Plastic.

In three or four lines lines, Radiohead has forced the listener to answer a future retrospective question; which is worse: the wasted life or wasting away?

This struggle leads to question that are the foundation of deep millennial anxieties. These plagues of meaning are often only cosmetically camouflaged under the guise of what was "YOLO" and now "FOMO". It is easier to ignore than address. In Blink-182's most recent album California, the lead single "Bored to Death" co-penned by guitarist newcomer Matt Skiba. Passing out of a difficult season of life, in an interview NME, Skiba explained the the words Bored to Death were"easier to say than I'm hurt". Bored is not hurt, but we better to make fun of "the fear" than acknowledge it. Why should we? We are perfect and we're gonna die young. How can you live a wasted life with that attitude? It is easy to have your cake and eat it too, if you never stop to wonder where the cake comes from. 

Strip me of my choices, who am I?

Strip me of the world I created for myself, how am I?

Strip me of my connections, what am I?

Strip me of my life, where am I?

This song was written over ten years ago and is more relevant than ever. It is still a great listen. It borders the beautiful and the prophetic. Go listen to the whole song, it is more crafted than written and made for anyone who is wondering about something. 

I hope you enjoy, and I sincerely hope you learn something.

Carpe Diem