From Simile to Not Smiling Anymore

The Human conscience is the single greatest thing in the universe. What else can have you pondering over such deep questions as "Is there a metaphor that can explain what a metaphor is?" and from that suddenly question every major life decisions that brought you to that same moment

Sliced Bread

I don't know about you, but the way we go about comparing things indicates one of two things

1. Sliced Bread is the pinnacle of Western Civilization
2. Sliced Bread was cool so long ago, that it can now officially be considered retro

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcST2X7NvfHf0H16DWt4EpM8l-d9A_CHBZ5syB24OKSqI_GlNiZnRA

Anger and Approaches To Being Happier

People often make me furious. So much so that I think about killing them in my mind. Shocking, I know. So I am trying to learn kinder behaviors.  To do this, I start try and think about the person who is making me mad. I think about who they are, their family, and what their life is like. This makes me feel less angry. Because I learn so much about the person. Like yesterday, a girl was very rude and shoved into me while walking down the street. I was going to start thinking about all the painful ways she could go, but then I started thinking about her, and trying to learn about her. And that made me feel even better, because I learned that she is busy, addicted to her phone, and a car will probably kill her while crossing the street soon enough. And that made me feel great.

Favorite Food

When someone asks me what my favorite food is, I enjoy getting really specific.

“6:44pm, March 8^th, 2012. North San Diego, it was about 78 degrees, a slight wind from the southwest. The waitress was lovely, a student at the local community college, studying to become a physicians assistant. She was half Dominican as I recall, and her conversation was a delight to our party. The burger arrived 16 minutes after ordering it. It was approximately .613 lbs., it rested on a bed of natural cut pepper fries, not too large as to outplay the sandwich it was meant to honor. Also present was a crimson curry ketchup and a honey lemon aioli, garnished with cilantro. Pickles were crisp, as were the lettuce and tomato, which were plentiful, but not so much as to outplay the grilled onions, which rested on the other side of the patty. The pesto aioli was spread evenly across the underside of the only slightly bun. The bun had 19 sesame seeds, which I felt playful, being an odd number. And lastly the patty. It was cooked medium well; as to reassure the bacon bits mixed in the ground beef were grilled to an adequate chewy state. Well season, with a hint of oregano as I recall. Playful but subtle. The swiss cheese was melted into the patty only so far as to conjoin the two. It retained its integrity and the majority of its fatty flavor, and had not sweated as to keep the vegetables resting upon it greasy and unappetizing. The bamboo toothpick was removed and the burger, fries and raspberry lemonade were consumed in 31 minutes, along with pleasant conversation, and the occasional silence to indicate satisfaction and digestion. That night will continue to be well remembered”

On the plus side no one in my building talks to me anymore.

More Micro-Comedy

Found myself listening to Michael Buble today. Apple Music charged me a $14.29 fee for violating the 'Buble Rule'. Provided the listener is NOT female, and single between the ages of 28 and 75, the listener is only allowed to listen to select Christmas songs by Mr. Buble between December 3rd and 27th. Not worth the fee, but "Haven't Met You Yet" is highly recommended

MicroComedy

There should be warnings on fingernail clippers.

[WARNING: May cause unnecessary pain when opening soda can] 

[WARNING: May destroy ties and other articles of clothing]

[WARNING: Will force you to adjust how you use your hands for the next two days]

MicroComedy: Idioms is awfully close to Idiots

Some Idioms in the english language just don't work for me like others do...

For example: "Put on a shirt and come outside." This can mean, "Put on clothes more presentable than what you are wearing."

For me, this is taken literally: "I'm going to need to put on pants too, after a shower."