The Wednesday Worrier - Publicly Speaking

Not too long ago I spent the weekend in a tuxedo. One of my good friends got married, and another was Best Man. The wedding was held in the refurbished stone barn of a vineyard nestled in the folds of a foggy green valley in Sonoma County. So obviously, standing around posing in a suit whilst having my picture taken in various lighting schemes with such a beautiful backdrop made me wax very philosophical. I pondered my own mortality for a while, then switched to various subjects relating to the human condition in a post post-modern world. It was all very deep and civilized. During one particular pose whilst mulling over the influence of neoclassical architecture on the social order, I watched my friend/the best man walk around the grounds prepping his "best man speech", practicing it over and over. He would stop and repeat portions, tweaking phrases so they would rollup into smoother sentences. He checked and edited words to make the nuptial storytelling more appropriate for the children that would be in attendance. Upon delivery, he knocked it out of the park and managed to embarrass the happy couple the perfect amount.

But in the midst of all this posing (my body for the camera and and my brain as a pseudo-intellectual for everyone within earshot), I started discussing public speaking with one of the bridesmaid. We landed on the question,"Would you prefer to speak in front of a crowd of strangers or loved-ones?"

She preferred speaking in front of loved-ones. In her mind, there is a natural support as those you care about want to see you succeed. Everyone would be naturally inclined to understand and appreciate what you are saying. Normally I'd jest by saying,"where do you find those people, and how do you sub them in for the current lineup?" but lets be real, if you read this, you know me and you are those people...

I preferred strangers. Reason being: they don't know I've peaked yet. Therefore, they don't know what I'm incapable of. They wouldn't suspect a toast to be 34 minutes of stumbling through half-coherent stories connected only by breath to thinly vailed movie references and the occasional lyric stolen from Ben Folds. Like watching a far too confident toddler try to fit a red square block into the round hole of a bright yellow plastic toy bin, you aren't sure if your guilt or amusement is stronger.

Note: those with Glossophobia (fear of public speaking), a wedding toast might be your ideal situation to begin practicing. If you mess up, start crying or pee your pants, you can always blame it on how happy you are for the Bride and Groom. Just a thought.

This one goes out to the wonderful wedding party -  To the Bride and Groom, thanks for letting us hang around!

Thanks for reading. Good Luck out there.