The Unwritten Rules

Well, It's ALMOST the weekend- And in spirit of celebration and preparation I would like to introduce another weekly program

-UNWRITTEN RULES-

The Things You DON'T Do Because...Well, Just Because!

Via

Here we explore the long established traditions of socio-cultural behavior and exploit the Faux Paux's created by those who are too awkward to notice (I.E. Those raised by wolves, or David Bowie)

(Be advised - It is not pronounced FOX POX - Just trust me on this...) 

Rule #253A: When complementing a woman- thou shalt not compare her to her friends.

Reasons to Follow Rule #253a

Reason 1-  Her friends control her mind. One slight 'miss-understanding' will open a pre-packaged storm that can fit conveniently into any girls’ night plans. Much like Jurassic Park style tampering, Her "besties" will turn into raptors and will hunt you down and/or inform the 'T-Rex' who will come and eat you whole. (P.S. Jamie, I'm not bitter, and of course I would never compare you or Cassie to large prehistoric man-eating serpents... You both rock the hoops equally well.)

Reason 2- Research has shown that the fluidity of a young dating man's wordplay is directly proportional to his life span (curious to see what would kill him? see Reason-1) Words are often confused; women's ears are selective. This can cause a whole range of comical and potentially deadly mistakes. For instance when asked how a woman looks, a guy will respond by saying "good." The double X chromosome contains built in confusion sensors and will actually hear the word "good..." Following this ellipsis, the already active confusion sensors (located below the Medulla Oblongata on the brain stem) will actually continue firing messages. The woman's brain will actually insert a "but" following the ellipsis. This will raise a series of questions in the female mind concerning romantic affection toward her and her personal attractiveness. A fight will ensue and as we all know, men, you will lose.

Benefits to following Rule #253a

Benefit 1- Potentially* avoid previously stated harmful circumstances

*Most likely to still happen (see rules #442- Thou shalt accept the fact that it is always the man's fault, and #213 Pain is inevitable in a relationship)

Benefit 2- You will not have to lie to the woman in question. Lies, like complements, are often one in the same and will build up and return to haunt you like the Ghost of Christmas Past or your old roommate who is still wondering if you have his Lord of the Rings extended edition DVDs. To illustrate- do you recall what she gave you for your birthday two years ago? Chances are you don’t. Play it safe; Avoid talking about that too. You are not good enough to guess and fake your way out of this one.  (For more info on this see Rule #257c – Thou shalt face the fact that you will never be a good giver or receiver of gifts.)

Benefit 3- She is cute, but she has cuter friends. Chances are you have a shot with one or two of them. However their opinion of you is heavily determined by council vote during said “girls night”. Don’t give the council any fodder to make them dislike you. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll end up with your girlfriend’s friend who you originally intended to date. (For more information about switching from dating your girlfriend to her friend see rule #781a- Thou shalt accept that the dating swap is not possible.)

(Special Thanks to Today's Editor Brandon Clay)